Right now I am 40,000 feet in the air above what appears to be Austria or Germany, at least according to the television screens on the airplane. I am far and away from Beirut, with Paris France only an hour and half away. It seems crazy for me to already be “flying back in time”; as I watch the clock turn backwards with each time zone crossed I feel as though I should be starting this trip over. But, alas, all good things must come to an end.
I haven’t posted much in the last week or so because I finally came down from a homesick-high and began to really enjoy myself again in Beirut. I have been re-taking in all the sights, re-trying all the food and re-acclimating myself to the strange city in one of the tiniest countries in the world. And I have come to a conclusion, about both the Middle East and about myself – and this conclusion is that after this experience – the last 7 weeks – I will never be the same person again. Perhaps it is perfect timing in the fact that I have just graduated from college and am conveniently moving to Washington DC to start a new chapter of my life, but regardless of what lay ahead of me in the good ‘ole U.S. of A, I think this would have been a life-changing experience regardless.
Seven weeks ago, to the day exactly, I left my boyfriend and my pets in Lexington and boarded a plane for the other side of the world. I was a bit scared, yes; but I think anyone who doesn’t go into such situations just a bit frightened doesn’t realize what little he or she knows. Even with my family, the most familiar of people to me in my entire life, awaited me in Istanbul, I knew that I was still stepping into an experience of a lifetime.
And an experience of a lifetime it was.
It is difficult for me, even for as good of a creative writer as I am, for me to describe what the last 7 weeks have meant to me. From the glorious Hagia Sophia to the ancient, simple city of Byblos, I have experienced a part of the world – a part of history – that I would recommend to anyone to take the time and money to see. I feel as though I know more about many things, but not just factual things like history and current events. But I feel as though I know more about a people, a culture, a place and a religion. Even with the deep sectarian divides of Lebanon, I have come to a conclusion that I think few realize in their lives: we are all people of this world trying to get by, trying to survive.
As mentioned before, I was a bit frightened to come on this trip. I was certainly not going to be spending my time in the Western World, but this was still very much different than the third world countries I’ve seen before. This was a whole new ball park and I’d like to think I – as well as my family and classmates – successfully embraced it all with open arms. I absolutely fell in LOVE with Turkey, specifically Istanbul; I can only hope to live there one day – I really think I could. I got to experience all aspects of Beirut; both the good and the bad, the conservative and the progressive. And, yes, I definitely know what it means when people call Lebanon a “political scientist’s dream”.
I am very thankful that in both countries I got to experience one of the most basic of human needs and desires: families. In Istanbul, I spent 3 weeks with the Kirci’s; family friends from long past but the first time I had ever met them. In Beirut, I got to eat dinner with the Neyfeh’s; the family of our trip organizer, driver and all-around tour guide. It was at these tables, over these meals of borek, hummus, keba and various other delicious foreign foods, that an appreciation grew for this place and its people.
Yes, I will admit that the trips had its ups and downs – but what trip does not? I got a little homesick in Turkey for a bit after my parents lefts me and I got a little homesick again after I hit the 1-month wall. But overall, I would like to think I’ve been pretty positive about the whole experience. I would like to think of myself as a knowledge sponge, soaking up all sights, sounds, information and experiences from everyone around me for the last 7 weeks. I am glad to have done it; I only knew the facts of the area, not the nuances. Now I can say that I know the nuances very well, at least when it comes to Turkey and Lebanon. However, I know that there is still much, much more to learn for I am no Turkish, nor am I Lebanese – so how can I know what it is like to truly be there? I would like to think that this trip was the first of many steps to become more acquainted with the area and its people; the beginning of the cultivation of understanding from one person of one part of the world to another in another part of the world.
I know I will never be the same after this trip. My thoughts and outlooks on things happening around me, especially as a Journalist, have been forever changed and it’s very difficult to change ideas that one has seen with their own eyes. However, I do not intend to right all the wrongs in the world on my own. I still plan on practicing tolerance and patience, with both those who know less as well as with those who know more than me. I have realized that in this big crazy world we live in, we can only help ourselves and those who care to listen. Obviously as a journalist or a politician, one has more power in such an aspect than others but seeing as I have yet to actually BECOME a journalist and I will probably never be a politician, the most I can do is try and educate those around me about what I have learned. I feel as though this is the most effective way to bring people together under an umbrella of understanding. A tough fight, I know, but I will continue to fight the good fight until the day I die.
Lastly, I would like to point out that on this trip I have not only learned things about where I went and the people and languages I came into contact with, but I also learned a lot about myself. I reaffirmed some prior beliefs and re-evaluated, maybe even overturned others. But is this not what traveling and learning is for? I am a firm believer that when one leaves home for a period – leaves their comfort zone – they can learn more about the intricate facets of themselves because being in such situations sends you back to your instincts. And if given as much time as I have been given on this trip to think, blog and meditate, I have definitely come to some conclusions that I hope to apply immediately to my “new chapter of life”.
I have found a new center, a new core, a new way of seeing things in the world. I would like to call this my “new life order”; an order of centrality, of discipline, of peacefulness and steadiness. I have discovered within myself a new peace; a peace that I feel could only have been triggered by this trip. It’s not that I don’t want to go back to my old life, of course I do, at least some aspects of it (especially because I love my family, my boyfriend and my friends) but I have decided to do some things a little differently. I desperately needing something like this to happen for me because if not, I do not know what kind of state I would have entered into now that I am a full-fledged adult. I’m not throwing all the things that I’ve learned in my life away; no, but I am looking at them through a different glass. My only hope is now that my “new life order” will be as accepted and supported by those I love as all of my other crazy ideas.
I am happy with myself for I will never be the same.
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